Hello. I has not posted for a long long long long time because:
a) no mood
b) people saying dumb things; and
c) feeling vulnerable in my honesty.
A lot of things have happened between the last post and now, and the year is almost over, again. Things are generally pottering along, with med school being as droll as it has always been. The boyfriend & I are still honeymooning, and distance is doing a good job of making our hearts grow fonder. :) Loved ones at home are the same, minus a wee pup I have sniffed and cuddled for the past 9 years.
I get this feeling something has changed in the undercurrents of my life in general, but I don’t quite know what yet. Stuff that has happened has put me into a pseudo-reflective state, where unimportant things suddenly float to the surface and become the oddest points for self-examination.
Realizing I don’t like change but can adapt if it is imposed upon me is sobering. I like things my way (who doesn’t?), but not getting them won’t kill me. I now know the feeling of begging God for something and not getting it. Is there a good reason for it? Don’t know, and probably won’t know for a while–or ever. Holding my emotions at bay whilst listening to ignorant comments has become another learning point.
Crying has never been a problem, but sometimes I wish it didn’t make one look so hideous. Hah :)
There’s been a lot of “A week ago, that wouldn’t have been like this”, or “If only I had been there”.
I need to stop :)
