Back in Edinburgh and moved into a new place, thanks to the help of mum, my amazing cell group and Daniel. Then, mum helped me unpack as I scrambled around to classes and attachments…
I honestly think that here, God wants to lead me into a new part of a relationship with Him. Back home, it was so easy to feel like I was with Him, and walk around as if I was really following His commandments. Good exam results were from Him. Stressful times were repaired by Him. Successful events were blessed by Him. Bad things were turned to good by Him. And then, those around me whom I loved rejoiced with me in what He had done!
Now, faced with a wall of doctors and nurses and other health professionals (and patients) who may or may not share my faith, and a code of conduct that requires me to do things without being “prejudiced” by my faith, that if I may even offer to pray for someone I can be cut off and away from my future, hopeful, profession…
This is hard for me to articulate, but, essentially, it’s even harder to live for God and with God when without the encouragement of others. It’s not as simple as a “you can do it!” but the fact that those around you understand why you do the things you do. I find it difficult, even awkward at times to even explain to others, or share with them what I’m doing, or why I’m doing it. How do you do that without sounding like the goody two shoes? Or maybe that shouldn’t matter at all.
Ideal is ideal, because that’s what we all want to achieve, but somehow or other, human nature gets in the way–be it our own, or someone else’s. Just got to let go, and let Him deal with it…
I shouldn’t be so impatient.
