Annoyed.

That’s totally the wrong emotion to be feeling right now,

But I’m feeling it.

:( The correct emotions should be:

Compassionate. Sad. Empathic. Sympathetic. Supportive. Loving.

None of those cross my mind. None.

Instead, annoyance. And a biiiiiig, looming “Why?”

…I don’t want to deal with this. I have CSU at 8 in the morning, and 3 lectures in a row. AND worship practice, for which I am sadly under-prepared.

Not interested. Not amused. Not pleased.

God’s trying to tell me something non-subtly.

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“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” — Matthew 6:33-34

Ahem.

SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT.

Presenting… *drumroll*

BANDITS. The ME & DT 1/08 IMU cup team!

Spiffy, eh? :D

…or not, I’ll leave it to you. It’s been a while since I touched photoshop, but what came out wasn’t half bad. This is a tentative T-shirt design for our batch–the final product will depend on which design our batchmates vote for.

I don’t know what the other designs are.

:DDDD VOTE MINEEE!

Because it’s spiffy and you like it.

“Thy will, not mine, be done.”

Lesson of the day!

In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus thrice prayed this:

“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” — Matthew 26:39

And a quote in the 40-days prayer book I’m doing says this:

“Spread out your petition before God, and then say, ‘Thy will, not mine, be done.’ The sweetest lesson I have learned in God’s school is to let the Lord choose for me.” — D.L. Moody

Makes sense, and isn’t the easiest thing to do. For me, prayer has always been a say-the-right-thing-and-be-Amen’ed kind of ritual. Even privately, it’s difficult to tell God what you really want because you feel like you shouldn’t want it. :/ But Jesus did it. He didn’t want to go to the cross and be all bloodied, whipped, and die a horrible death. He told God the Father that if he didn’t have to, he didn’t want to. But not as [He] wills, but as [God] wills. 

There are many, many, many things that I’d like, but have never mouthed them out to God before. No answer’s going to come if I don’t lay them at His feet and be honest about my desires, wants, and dreams. Mmmm.

Easier said than done, but I’ll try in faith, no matter how awkward.

——————-

I’m fat and I need to exercise. :( BLAAAAAA.

RED DRESS RED DRESS. Sit-ups EVERY DAY from now until my birthday.

YOU raise me up to more than I can be.

Cliche as it may sound, the line from You Raise Me Up holds true for this entire production, A Grand Night For SInging, that I was involved in. Stage fright, shaky voice, shaky legs… All gone the moment the lights lit up the stage. And why? Because of Jesus, my Lord and Saviour. So many prayers covered me, and countless times I found myself just mouthing His name whenever I felt some trepidation creep in. I cannot find words to express how grateful and thankful I am for Him to have raised me up in this manner. Without the Lord’s wings over me, I wouldn’t have sung as well as I did.

So really, the standing ovation we got last night was all for God. :) ALL PRAISE AND GLORY TO GOD!!!

I’m experiencing relief at everything being over, but now I can’t creep around the GINORMOUS backstage of Istana Budaya, our national theater and dream of singing there one day… :P

Aaaand, I want to say a HUGE thank you to EVERYONE who came out to watch and support me during the entire run of the show! Thank you to dad, mum, Twink, Grandma Molly, 3-yee, Yee-ma, Byu-che, Joe, 4-yee & family, Kum-mo & family, Jars of Clay (my cell group!!!), IMU friends (Jon, Jo Ann, Yinn Cher, Rachel, Benedict, Ming Hui, Seng Chye), Aunty Rapizah, the nurse who lent me her Kancil for practice (sorry sorry forgot your nameeee x___x ), SIBKL Worship Arts people (Kenny, Chris & wife, Wei Vern)… and everyone else who came but I didn’t know or see you!!! Sorry if I missed you out, tried to remember everyone I saw! Thank you once again. :D Really made the show happen.

Now it’s back to short nails, neat hair, and socializing in the library. <3

OH IMU.

p/s – I lost track of how many times I got asked if I was sure I wanted to do medicine. Heck yeah! If God calls, you answer. If not, He’ll get you there eventually. :P I’ll take the shorter route, please and thank you.

“A Grand Night for Singing” indeed…

It’s proving to be quite a hit with the audience! I always felt the choreography was a little iffy at parts, but so far, for the past three performances, we’ve had a generally good response from the audience, which was nice. :) Tonight was a slightly older crowd, and they were very vocally appreciative, hahaha. Poor Joanne got thrown off by the catcalls and whistles from a group of ladies! But she took it in stride. <3

I’m enjoying myself, despite having to deal with sweat rashes and makeup residue. :D I feel relieved to be performing, kind of like “Oh, FINALLY we have an audience.” The months of singing to blank walls and each other really geared us up for the performance.

Mum and dad have been really supportive and loving towards me throughout this time, never failing to pray and encourage me when I get weary. Jon has also been praying for my performance! :) So sweet, hehe. The Wong clan is alllll showing up on Saturday night! I can’t wait. It’s so amazing to me that my mum’s entire family is coming to support me in this show. Then, my cell group is coming on Sunday afternoon, and the Father Me gang from SIBKL is showing up on the closing night, Sunday night.

I’ve begun a 40-days prayer thing with this book entitled “Give Me 40 Days” by Freeda Bowers. My church (and cell group) have started this as a group, so I thought, why not? Today marks the first week (7 days) of my little journey towards Him. Jon’s also doing the book with my cell, albeit with a little encouraging nudge now and then from yours truly. Jo Ann might start. Then the NECF pray and fast thing is on the 22nd of July! I’m also going to do that this year. I feel, I dunno, spiritually ready? Everything within me just says “Yes!” and leaps with joy when I think of spending all that time in prayer.

I really do want to grow closer to Him, and I’m SO HAPPY I’m finally making time in my life for Him. The 40 days book I’ve been doing said this really interesting and encouraging thing: “Don’t plan your prayer time around your day, plan your day around your prayer time.” Give God the priority, the number one spot that He deserves.

I’m learning, I’m learning. And I’m eager for more. <3

Bon Odori 2008

Attended Bon Odori ‘08 with Dea-chan. <3 I drove there!!! Haha. Made one wrong turning, but it wasn’t that hard to backtrack and find the stadium. Met up with Jiann Yet & gang there, camwhored, stuffed our faces, then left… because I had to rush to KL for walk-through rehearsal by 8pm. Wish I could have stayed longer… Sigh.

I bathed Mikado, watered the plants… And pretty much did nothing else before Bon Odori & rehearsal. I’ve had to give up so much for this one show, it’s insane. It’s making me reconsider doing things like this. I’ve only got 2 more years left back home, and I sure don’t want to spend it running around aimlessly and feeling hollow inside. I don’t want my relationship with God to suffer.

I won’t deny that today was fun, though. I still have to write my COP report (due on the 25th of July), and properly clean my room, heh. With the show running all next week, that’ll be interesting. BUT I’LL KEEP TO THE 40 MINUTES THAT I PROMISED!!! >(

So many things to do, and I feel like I have so little time. :) Lalala. Spent the last few days hanging out with Jon, Minny, Dea, David… and playing RO too much.

On a side note, I’m losing my Canadian accent!!!! D: This is not funny, or something good. My Malaysian accent is coming back in full swing, and I can’t snap out of it when I want to!!! Graaaah. “How many fingers?” “…tree.” Need to skype someone in Cananananadaaa to get it back, because this will affect pronunciation of “th”, “d”, “t”, and countless other words.

Headtable.

————————

But you know something I learnt (which I thought was beautiful)? You know how they always say “The joy of the Lord is your strength”? My cell leader explained it in a really interesting manner–it’s not this intangible, inane high that descends upon you from up above and lends you superstrength and resilience. Instead, it refers to our obedience to God. When we obey Him, we make Him glad, and when the Lord is pleased with you, who can stand against you? We have pleased our Father by seeking His heart and following Him–being obedient to His prodding no matter how weary, tired, or exhausted we felt.

We don’t just fall into our beds at the end of the day–we fall at His feet for the perfect rest.

That really encouraged me and touched my heart. <3 Hope it means something to you too!

The Lord bless you and keep you:
The Lord make his face to shine upon you,
to shine upon you and be gracious,
and be gracious unto you.
The Lord lift up the light
of his countenance upon you
and give you peace.
Amen.
–Numbers 6:22-27

Empty Jar

I haven’t been able to go to my cell for such a long time. I finally went last week, then I can’t again tomorrow. I really do feel empty inside.

Empty, empty, empty. Hollow.

Got me runnin’ round in circles, hearing all these different voices…

And my clothes feel tight.

Happy adipocytes.

I want to do SO MANY THINGS but I can’t. Have to give it up, and have had to give it up. Bon Odori. Church. Cell group. Time by myself.

I’m frustrated.

———————————-

It’s just the hormones again. :)

Nightingale

Dea called me a little songbird today.

I guess I really do feel like one, with the amount of singing I’ve been doing lately! It’s more than I’ve ever done, because even the choir concerts I’ve been in were only for one night, etc. I don’t think I’ve ever done this many musicals/singing arrangements back-to-back and overlapping with each other… <3

I burnt out once, had to recover fast.

Have been neglecting something a lot, lately. Maybe that’s why I have this empty, unsettled, hollow feeling inside of me. Shouldn’t keep spending my time on games and going out, even though I have so much fun doing it. My language suffers–haven’t read a full book in a year. Haven’t written anything creative for a few years.