Justification

Why do I get called “desperate” when I watch J-dramas and think, “Ii desu ne…!“?

Or when I wish that I’d meet someone soon?

Or when I look at everyone around me and wonder why I don’t have someone to myself?

Don’t I have a right to dream?

I’ll let you call me desperate when I cling to any and every guy who crosses my path, irrespective of my better judgement.

…this “single life” is tough.

Please don’t give me spiel about how “rocking” and “awesome” single life is, because really, it’s not going to be a permanent phase–unless you’re Paul. :)

Post-exam jitters (already)

The EOS3 is officially over tomorrow.
Specifically, for me, at 9.30 a.m. in the morning.

Then results are to be released in a week…
I’m already not wanting to think about that.

A lot of things have happened throughout the study break AND exam period itself–but I want to thank my parents the MOST for supporting me in prayer every night; I would have had a lot more breakdowns if not for them.

I don’t think I’ve ever realized how huge they are in my life until now. I mean, sure, they’ve prayed for me for the past few exams and whatnot, but with the recent turn of events they’ve turned into my pillars of strength and support. Parents love you and think the best of you no matter how rotten you may be–and I definitely feel inadequate.

Next, I want to thank Rae baby for forcefully motivating me to study by dragging my sorry ass out of bed at 9.30 in the morning despite my fangirling till the wee hours of that same morning… All those Oldtown White Coffees and “toxic clouds” must have done something, haha!

Big thanks, hugs, and kisses for my prayer SOS partner, Jo Bear! :) Hee. Thank you for all the encouraging verses, devotions, and little thoughts you sent my way throughout this time. Also, thanks for the Hana Kimi.

Much love goes out to Dea-chan, Eng Kian-sama, Belal, and Emi for guiding my study paths & clinical skills practices, likely under the influence of a Higher being. ;) There can’t be that many coincidences at one time. Also, for all the times Weiphin called me over the day before to ask me questions about stuff which ended up coming out in the exam. What are the odds!?

Also, many thanks to everyone else whom I was not able to mention who crossed my path during this period of time, be it to have given me random advice, smiled at me, hugged me, patted me on the head, carried my books, bought me food, taken my food, “peace-d” me, prayed for me, wished me the best of luck… YOU ARE VERY MUCH LOVED!! EVEN IF I DON’T SEEM TO SHOW IT! T_T I love all my batchmateeessssss.

Oh Lord. Please give me the grace to accept whatever results I get, and Your peace that transcends ALL understanding while waiting for them! I am so scared. But I tried my hardest and I know the rest is in Your hands. May it be the same for the rest of my batchmates! Amennn.

Verbal Diarrhoea

My heart and mind are a tangle of emotions, a riot of sensations–both good and bad–as the EOS3 (my semester finals, 4 days long) draws near, for more than one reason.

I’m done studying all I can, but it never feels like enough–who’s with me on this?

I wasn’t able to spend time in the medical museum to review the models and FLMs. Is this going to be a problem? Too late now… Netter’s and photographed-FLMs, here I come.

Didn’t practice as much clinical skills as I thought I would–everything’s still a blur inside my head. X-rays? Peak flow meters? ECGs? Sphygmomanometers? Goodness.

Bear-bear’s gone, and I’m trying not to think or feel about his passing so I can concentrate. Dad’s been hit the hardest–Bear was his pup just like Mikado is mine. We immediately sent Mikado for vaccinations and a check-up.

Received an unexpected call from my church’s X’mas musical production team, followed by an email with musical scores and a script. The rest of the year will be another busy half–and not because of medical school.

I keep writing songs when I get sick of reading notes. I’ve written three so far, with a couple more half-songs. I downloaded FL Studio to experiment with later.

With regards to guilty pleasures, within my torrent downloads lie two new Japanese TV dramas that await my attentions. Neopets has also been a regular bookmark visited on my browser…

I still have to pay my parking fine.

That ends the brain evacuation. My antidote shall be:

Psalm 145 : 1-2, 13-21 (NIV – emphasis mine)

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
…
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.
The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

Quieten my heart, O Lord. Amen.

Bear-bear the Chow chow (2004 – 2009)

Rest in peace, dear Bear-bear.

You are very much loved and missed by all of us. :(

Thank you for being a fantastic guard dog. Thank you for looking after us. Thank you for always pooping in the same place. Thank you for being a comfort to my daddy.

We’ll have to get used to not seeing you waiting by the dog-gate, greeting us with your quiet, still, watchful eyes when we come home, not hearing your fierce bark at intruders, and not being able to comfort you when it’s raining and thundering outside.

We’ll see you in heaven, for Ecclesiastes 3:19-20 says, “After all, the same fate awaits human beings and animals alike. One dies just like the other. They are the same kind of creature. A human being is no better off than an animal, because life has no meaning for either. They are both going to the same place—the dust. They both came from it; they will both go back to it.”

Knock, Knock

I wrote a song while studying, but I’m only going to share the first part of it up until the chorus with you.

Enjoy, s’il vous plait.

———————————

 Knock, knock — who’s there? It’s me
At the door of your heart
Won’t you let me in?
Cuz you know I’m waiting

Knock, knock — don’t run, don’t hide
Throw away those locks
You won’t need the keys
You won’t use them no more

Cuz you & I were meant to be
Don’t try to play it cool
I can see that blush
I can see that rush
See baby, I’m not fooled

You can play it coy and close the door
But I know you’re right there waiting
You can play hard to get, and ask for more
But I know you’re lying
I love you, and you love me
See it ain’t that hard
So quit your games, come out and play
Baby, just open the door

Over and Over Again

So many times, it’s not even funny.

Just when I thought I was finally done,
everything comes sneaking back in–
old light from those treacherous stars.

Memories don’t vanish that easily, after all.

How uninspiring.

Veggies with the one you love

Lengthy & reflective. READ ON.

For those who don’t know, I committed to read the Bible in a year, and started on the 14th of February, 2009 (yeees, Valentine’s day!). I should be done next Valentine’s. My mum bought me The One Year Bible – NLT, by Tyndale publishers and I’ve been using it ever since. It divides the daily readings as such: a section from the Old Testament, one from the New Testament, a Psalm, and a few Proverbs. :) Adds a little variety so one doesn’t ingest more than one fly whilst reading the copious lists of temple inventory/genealogy in the OT.

MUTEMATH – ARMISTICE : Heck yeah!

I rarely do this whole new album launch news thing–so you understand HOW HYPED I AM! :DDD zOMG MUTEMATH!! NEW ALBUM! YESSSSSSSSSSsssssssss

Pity it’s after my birthday, though. Right… Still!

———————————-

MUTEMATH PREPARE TO LAUNCH “ARMISTICE” ON AUGUST 18, 2009

Burbank, CA-
June 8, 2009 – (Burbank CA) – New Orleans-based eclectic/innovative rock quartet MUTEMATH has just completed their second full-length album for Teleprompt/Warner Bros. Records entitled “ARMISTICE.” Recorded in New Orleans and Oxford, MS and produced by Dennis Herring (Elvis Costello, Modest Mouse, The Hives), the record is scheduled for release on Aug 18th.
Song titles are as follows:

1. The Nerve
2. Backfire
3. Clipping
4. Spotlight
5. No Response
6. Pins and Needles
7. Goodbye
8. Odds
9. Electrify
10. Armistice
11. The Lost Year
12. Burden

Nearly 50 minutes in total, MUTEMATH does not play it safe on their sophomore effort. With a stunning range of dynamics, “ARMISTICE” boasts the kind of masterful production and songwriting that ensure it to be one of the year’s standout albums.

Expect to hear this album very soon. More details to be revealed shortly. Keep en eye on: www.mutemath.com for future announcements, tour dates, merch, special offers and much more.

Taken from their Facebook page.

———————————-

To understand my love for the band, check out this video–one of their latest. I love their music. Love their videos. Love them live. They have this passionate desperation, screaming to be heard, pulsating with life and eccentricity, not caring who hears them and who sees them–they play their music as it is. Mutemath. <3

And yes, I’ve met them before. :D When they came down for the YouthQuake concert in Feb ‘06, way back in Briercrest/Caronport. They weren’t the headliners but I enjoyed them WAY MORE than the headliners. AND I HAVE A SIGNED ALBUM SQUEEE.

Me & 75% of the boys from MUTEMATH! One of them was signing albums. Or in the men's. I dunno.

MUTEMATH FTW!! I CAN’T WAIT FOR THEIR NEW ALBUM!!!

Reality Check

TWO WEEKS TO EOS3!!! :(

How did it get so close so fast? Sneaking up like that isn’t fair.

Guess I’ll have to double my efforts.

OSCE!!! *bites nails* :((( Dread dread dread. Memorizing notes for an exam is one thing, but executing an examination on a simulated patient is a whole new entity.

And the clock goes tick, tock, tick, tock… all night long.

Old Thoughts

Looking back on many things that have transpired in my life, I can say I’ve really changed a lot–for the better in some ways, and lost aspects of myself in other ways.

When you’re aware of the things you’ve done over the years, it either makes you cringe or laugh. I do a little of both. But at the same time, the things that make you cringe are things you wished you never did, because they had a lasting effect on people you loved (or still love). 

With your mouth, you can speak LIFE or DEATH.

I choose to speak life, and all its accessory words. Whatever hurts I’ve caused in the past, I wish to address now, and halt what could potentially be a cycle of pain, suffering, and more hurts. Hurting people hurt others. The truest adage I’ve ever heard, and something that took a while to sink in.

God has really been teaching me a lot–and I daresay it isn’t all fun and smiles. Sometimes the realizations and understandings, the little “Eureka!” moments? They turn into quiet, gray, somber times where one just wants to reflect, ponder, and sit alone in front of a pulsing screen, wordlessly typing out the barrage of thoughts avalanching into their mind. 

I’ve grown quieter and calmer. Less of those “hyperriffic glee” moments that seemed to strike every other minute or so during my high school life. A little slower. I don’t catch things as quick as I used to. More considerate–to the point where it’s sometimes socially paralyzing. I know my parents better. I don’t know my brother well anymore. I haven’t sung in a while. I haven’t written in a while. Nor have I read or drawn in a while. RO’ed today, yesterday, and the day before. Still enjoy lazing in bed long after the sun has risen. Still have the same best friends, with one or two additions since university. Still a geeky nerd on the sly–guilty pleasures of torrented anime, cheap manga, pirated PC games, fantastic exam results and photoshopping.

I don’t fall in love every other day anymore.

Haha.

Growing up is interesting, especially if one keeps a diary. :)

Enhancer Tidbits

Couldn’t resist print-screening this little ad that popped up during my daily facebooking time.

What’s next, 8-inch Mints for the boys?

The next time your boyfriend pops a mint before he kisses you, it ain’t for the breath, sista…

Honestly

An English breakfast with orange juice when the sun rises,
followed by a good book and a cuddle on a swing
that faces a little herb and flower garden full of tiny, blossoming shrubs.

In the afternoon, a simple lunch of sandwiches with cress and cheese
made with love.

The rest of the day? Playful banter in the parlour,
and maybe a singalong or two on the old piano.

Don’t forget to light the candles when night’s curtain falls!

But even if we forget, step outside into the illuminating web of heavenly bodies
that reflect the Sun’s glory back down onto our faces.

Then, when our eyelids cannot stay open any longer, we’ll tuck each other in
with the soft, hand-sewn lacy-linen covers.

I’ll see you again in the morning.

The Long-awaited Night Out

Went to Luna Bar & Bar Celona–both for the first time, with Matt and his two friends, Hansel & Vincent. We were joined briefly by his friend, Benji, who left to go for this TAG event at Barsonic. Jo & Jon came for a while too, then they left to eat and sleep. Photos can be found here.

Never have I spent so much in one night! :((((

I hereby declare that I will only go out on ladies’ night in the future… It’s soooo expensive! No wonder people get broke going clubbing, ugh. For people like me, who go to dance, cover is just killer. Ladies’ night ftw.

The view from our table at Luna Bar.

Seriously, thanks, Matt, for getting my drink at Luna. :) I really liked the atmosphere there–pity we couldn’t sit by the pool or a window. We still got a pretty good seat, though. It’s got a nice view of KL city, has a pool in the center, was quite windy despite part of it being outdoors, and had nice mood music. It feels like a nice, intimate place where you don’t really want to bring a large group. On any other day, I would have been content just to stay there…

Ltr: Matt, Hansel & moi being pose-y.

But I wanted to dance. :P Bar Celona started out being dodgy. Cover charge was HIKED because it was a “public holiday” the next day, and they only gave us beers as the free drink. :( Boo. I don’t like beer. Then, the music they were playing was really un-danceable and gangsta when we walked in, but we tried dancing for a bit. Thankfully, the music got better–or I’d have been really annoyed and felt like I wasted my money on paying cover.

New pet peeve: people who STAND on the dancefloor and take up space. Honestly. There was this dude who just stood in the middle of the dancefloor, with his eyes closed, nodding and smiling to the beat. Hello, dancefloor = DANCE LAH!

The night yielded a few interesting moments… And was a nice end to the week. Not as exciting as I expected, but good nonetheless! Thank you, Matt, for organizing the night and calling all of us. :) Sorry the hat thing didn’t work out, and sorry you had to give up going for the TAG Barsonic old-school rock event. Make it up to you later! Back to CVS + Respi + Hemato + GIT tomorrow…

The EOS Lifestyle

…is what I’m living at the moment.

With the End-of-Semester 3 exam looming in the back of my mind, I go about my daily activities–it infuses a little more restraint and discipline in terms of time management and what I should and shouldn’t do…

It’s a little hard to concentrate on studying, because of the summative that was two Fridays ago. But I’ve been trying, praying, trying, and praying again. The summative went really well, though. Throughout that studying period, so many things happened (seniors/friends dropping in randomly to quiz us) that just can’t be attributed to coincidence anymore. :) A Greater Hand moved in the background even as we sat in those glass fish-tank studyrooms in the library, mugging our minds out.

 

New hairdo! (bad pic, though)

What can I say? The days have been passing by splendidly. Saturday (the 30th of May) I went with mumsies to get a new haircut at Guessen Hair Studio @ Plaza Mon’t Kiara. Japanese haircuts always sit well with my hair! At night, I went with Matthew (ex-choir mate) to watch our old choir, The Canticle Singers, perform their “Be Our Guest” concert at Perdanasiswa Hall, UM. It brought back a lot of good memories, and we quietly sang our parts through a few songs. :) Yay for student rates! Apparently Matt looked young enough to pass–they didn’t ask him for his student card. We went out for drinks later, and did a lot of catching up. Lovely night.

Sunday I woke up late for church, had a gruelling audition for the X’mas musical in the afternoon, then attended the Global Day of Prayer with mum & dad at night. I still can’t feel the passion to pray for my country, but I certainly heard a lot about its importance that night. The worship was amazing–I teared up during more than one song that night.

Monday was…Monday. Studying attempts. A lot of random laughter in the library. Aaand today (Tuesday, after midnight) was another “studying attempt day”! Karaoke’d with Leon, Jaeric & Jo @ Sunway Pyramid Red Box from 11am-2pm, went to uni to try study (I finished ONE miserable note) before having dinner and scooting my cute little butt off to swing dance!

ltr: Sookyeen (sp?), Abang Lionel, Matt Bedell, Guat Seng, moi

Socials venue changed to this place called Sid’s Pub @ Bangsar South. It was easy to find. And I discovered how BAD I had become at dancing… I forgot almost everything! Took more than a few dances to get back into the swing of things, ha ha (pun intended). Got stepped on. Got knocked into. Danced (badly) with Matt Bedell! Had a ton of fun.

Now I’m at home, showered–in a state of half-dress–and about to head off to bed. :) Just felt like sharing.

Tomorrow, another fun-filled, fantabulous day awaits! And then, of course, there’s Friday. ;)

Cafe Chulo @ Jaya One

…is a really nice place to hang out–especially the upstairs section. Nice, windy, and casual.

I had a really good night tonight, catching up with old choir friends and all. :)

Just a short blurb. I’m pretty happy right now.